Daughter, Sister, Wife, Friend, Coordinator, Writer and Me!

I don’t know what I am looking for.


Why do we (women though I don’t know if it’s right to assume we all have the same traits) always want to feel secure over a relationship? I mean isn’t cuddling, kissing and hugging enough? Why is there a need to hear your significant other say ‘I love you’… ‘You’re everything to me’ and more?

Isn’t it obvious? Can we not see or feel it when we’re with them? Why the need to hear it? Why do I need to hear it from him? Can I not feel it?

Action speaks louder than words because words can fail you but the hug, the kiss and intensity of your passion can’t be faked.

Why can’t I understand that he chose me? He chose to stay with me, be by my side.

Am I really that naive that he has to profess his love for me every single day? Can I not feel or see that when he wakes me up in the morning because I’m too lazy to get up? Can I not feel it when he cooks for my lunch early in the morning because I forgot to cook last night?

Rob’s dad passed away last March 10. He was suppose to go home. Their PRO (the one who takes care of processing visas, employment contracts, etc) had suggested that they cancel his visa so that it would be easy for him to go and they will just issue him a new one when he’s on his way back. He was told that this process would take 2-3 months or longer.

We’ve discussed it. I want him to go (translation: I don’t want him to go) because it’s been two years and this is his father’s death so he needs to go. Even if I don’t want him to, I know he needs to pay his last respect for his dad. 

I’ve arranged everything. About the rent, other expenses, our monthly remittances and all that. However, I can’t help but cry.  True, we’ve survived one year being apart and people think if we were able to do that, we can do it again.

Then, he told me he already made up his mind. He decided to stay.

He opted to send money because there were a lot of bills waiting to be paid (e.g the funeral service, the casket, etc) and advise his family of the complications if he was to go home. They understood.

And now, I question him if he loves me? Do you think I need to be slapped or punched to understand what he has done for me? 


Comments on: "What Are You Looking For?" (11)

  1. anonymous said:

    I think we need the security and to hear those words, because it makes the whole thing more real to us. Hugging and kissing are great, but you can hug or kiss anyone, very few people show you love and security.

  2. anonymous said:

    mare, i think you should be electrocuted… hahaha!joke lang


  3. maybe i need to be geng… hehe.. just to make me realize something.. hehe.. I will keep that in mind.. =)

  4. i so can relate!!! bakit nga ba naiinsecure tayo?

  5. hmmm…[i wonder]…there must be a third party somewhere to feel insecure.

    Naah, just get it off your head. He loves you, okay?! Everytime you feel a little insecure tell this to yourself: HE LOVES ME.


  6. i love you mare… is that secure enough? hehehe…

    i guess it really feels good to hear it once in a while… but not to the extent of crying if he misses a day to tell you so! he loves you… 🙂

  7. thanks you guys – ALL of you.

    katzee:: hindi ko din alam kahit na wala naman tlgang reason to be insecure…

    jeko:: thanks. I practice that.

    spellbound:: thanks mare. really

  8. anonymous said:

    you are just truly, madly, deeply in love, my dear. i miss being in such a euphoric/hysterical state. sigh!


  9. maybe, possibly..some feelings are too great to be expressed by those three infamous words, “i love you” personally, i think those words are highly abused!! sounds like he really loves you and you absolutely adore him, so just suck it up and enjoy!! 🙂

  10. whew! that’s sweet of him to do that. grabe! imagine, he chose to be with you rather than his family?

    miss you gurl. =)

    p.s. dada and shineth said hi. they miss you too. if i’m not mistaken, dada sent you a pm. that gurl is so nice as in super. qa namin ang lola mo eh. bait niya gurl.

  11. anonymous said:

    “why do we need to hear ‘i love you?’

    it sounds familiar because i asked my man this question once. and he said, “sometimes i just need reassurance and i want to hear it from you.”

    i guess when you’re with a person everyday, it’s easy to take the little things he does for granted. if cooking for you seemed like a heart-melting act of love then, now it simply looks like a routine, an obligation he has to do for you everyday.

    if he chose you over his family, that seems more a sign of love than a convenient choice. if rob is a man of few words, i guess he is a man of great actions.

    open your eyes girl, and open your heart.



Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: