All morning, my mind was full of complaints. Why was it like this? Why did I not get this? Why is this happening to us? Why???
Instead of hearing what you’re whispering to me, I continued telling people how depressed I am… how this year is not my year… how others are being given the opportunity and I’m not.
I walk as if I have a big rock over my shoulders… my footsteps were heavy… my energy low.
I decided to ignore the ‘heavy’ feeling and concentrated on what I have to accomplish for today.
I was not really up for the task instead I let my feelings out to my friends. I rant and rant and rant about our situation, my situation, other’s situation…
I felt restless… just staring at space… thinking and thinking…
I think you’ve decided to put an end to all this crap.
You used a friend as an instrument to put my mind in perspective.
You told me to stop thinking about the whys and let me focus on the blessings that I have.
I’m sorry… I know… I should be grateful.
I should be grateful that I have a family. They may not be perfect but I know they will be there for me – inspite of and despite of.
I should be grateful for my husband. He may not be perfect but he supports me and loves me for who I am – with or without tantrums.
I should be grateful that I have good-paying job. It may not be what I wanted but it has mould me in terms of how I should tackle issues in the office and it has given me the confidence in making certain decisions.
I should be grateful that I have friends. They may not be perfect but they are there for me.
I should be grateful… most especially to you God… because even if I am not perfect, you never rant and rant and rant about the mistakes I have done… about why I don’t do this… why I don’t do that.
Actually, there is not even a single why…
Just a smile and a hug.
I need this… feeling sorry for us… and most especially for me.
There’s nothing to feel depressed about really… I just need to count my blessings.
I know it took some time but finally the message got through to me.
The process may be slow but I know I’ll get there… because you will walk beside me.
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